Parents To Be

Everyone is having babies or at least every other person is having a baby.  Men say they are having babies but technically they are just getting a baby.  The woman has the baby.  Most people where I work have at least on baby if not more.  Some of these babies are no longer babies, some are toddlers and some teen and some are now young adults.  People send me picture cards of their babies all dressed up at Christmas time.  My aunt sends me a picture card every year of here baby who is now twenty years old.   Recently I got a card in the mail announcing that there was a new addition to a family…Baby Wren.  Maybe I should send out a card announcing the latest addition to my household…Parakeet.  I even went to a ritual party this past weekend to celebrate the coming of a new baby – a baby shower which I assumed is named due to the down pour of gifts. The gifts included and uncountable number of “onsies”, several chairs shaped like various animals and a primal hammock type thing that the mother wraps around herself several times and then stuff the baby in so she can carry it without holding it?  I’m not sure what that’s for other than convenience for the mother which would make sense if she was out working in the fields during harvest season but I imagine she will just be walking down the street and want a free hand to sip her latte with.

I am not poo-pooing babies.  I think babies are as cute as babies.  They have to be cute or they would get eaten right out of the gate like hamster babies do.  What I am poo-pooing the excessive hype associated with having babies.  I do appreciate the amazing process by which humans reproduce but I also think the way chickens reproduce is pretty amazing too.  Reproduction is a basic biological function and people have been reproducing since there have been people which makes for billions of babies having been born.  Billions.  There is such little skill involved in having a baby that some women don’t even know they are having a baby – there’s even a TV show about it called “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.”  There is a similar show for men who didn’t know they had babies called Maury Povich.   You can be in high school and have a baby.  You can be a homeless man in Gloucesterand have a baby.  You can be celibate for twelve years and still have eight babies at a time and earn the nickname Octo-Mom.  Having a baby is easy and more common that the cold.

Mother’s to be who spend their days at prenatal yoga and who are taking Lamaze class or preparing for a water birth, women who play Mozart through headphones resting on their stomachs are focusing on the wrong things.  If you think these nine months of gestation are what makes a man than you are mistaken.  Two hundred years ago women were having babies in barns and raising this country’s founding fathers, some of the greatest scientific minds were born before the invention of penicillin.  Jesus was born in a manger and he changed the world.  So please, you pregnant women and Munchausen men, you should be spending your brief nine months learning how to spend the rest of your life raising the baby and less time reading to it now.  It’s probably can’t hear you anyway.

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