Sunday night my man friend and I ventured into the best BBQ jointSomervillehas to offer, Red Bones. It’s actually the overall best that I know of in the Greater Boston area but if anyone can dispute that please do. I am always looking for new BBQ joints. Redbones is a great place but it’s small and tight. It’s the kind of place where the tables are so close together that you bump elbows with strangers. I couldn’t imagine being a server there since the aisles are only wide enough for one person to pass down at a time. The place is always packed and when we arrived we were told there was an hour plus wait which wasn’t surprising given the 20 people waiting outside and it was the height of super time. When we finally were seated I noticed that one of the tiny aisles was blocked by an oversized off-roading style baby carriage. I couldn’t believe that someone would bring a baby carriage into that place. It took them 5 minutes to get out as waitresses had to reroute, people’s chairs had to be moved and all other traffic had to stop. How rude. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. It’s parents that I don’t like.
Parenting is a choice that brings lots of rewards, unrequited love for the first 13 years, tax breaks, social conformity and I’m sure other things, but like everything else it is a give and take. You can’t take without giving something up. Sure by default you lose your freedom, money and peace of mind but there are also things you have to give up voluntarily. For instance, there are places you can no longer go if you have your child with you. I’m not talking about the obvious places where the legal age for entrance is mandated like a strip club or bar. I’m talking about the places where it is technically legal to bring children to but you just shouldn’t. Redbones is one. Get takeout so you are not a fire hazard. Starbucks is another. That is a grown up place. Sure they have a “children’s menu” and shame on them for encouraging that behavior. There is nothing more irritating than waiting in line to order a $5 coffee beverage behind some freakishly inconsiderate woman asking her barely walking child to pick out what he wants from the food display. What do you think he’ll pick? The tarragon chicken salad sandwich or the baconGoudaand egg frittata? Take him to Chuckie Cheese which brings up a good point. When you see childless people roaming around places made for children, you call the police. Next time I see someone with a child in Starbucks I will call the police and report a minor eyeing the cold cheese plates. It’s perverse.
So please have children. It is the only way the human race will continue but just realize in doing so that you give up some freedoms. Don’t take them to unanimated movies. Don’t bring them to work unless you work in a factory in China. Don’t go to restaurants that have table clothes. Don’t make family trips to the grocery store and stay out of coffee shops. In return, I will not go to Disney World, Sea World or any other imaginary over price world. I will also not go to cartoon movies or Gymboree. Do we have a deal?