I woke up around six this morning and began my normal routine. I was a bit more sluggish than normal and running a bit late but was trudging along. I was sipping my coffee in my bathrobe as the iron was warming up so I could look presentable at work, when I heard a loud truck engine running somewhere outside. I glanced out the window and saw a police car pull around the corner and park along side the house. I went to the living room to look out that window and saw a huge fire truck parked in front of the house. I wondered what they were doing. A few seconds later my doorbell rang. I didn’t want to answer the door because the last time I did I ended up buying twenty dollars worth of popcorn from a boy scout, which, by the way, is only one bag of popcorn, but given the circumstances I figured I should answer the door.
In my short pink bathrobe and flip flops, I headed down to the front door. I opened the door and jackpot! There were five rather tall and handsome men standing on my porch in an assortment of uniforms – police, fire, and paramedic. All at once they said in a deep, very masculine voice, “Did you call the fire department?” It was like a cheesy porno. They seemed all business so I told them no but that there were 2 other apartments in the house. I assume they would have rung all three doorbells but per usual, my less than neighborly neighbors didn’t answer their doors. So I led them in and knocked loudly on the first floor door. Ms. Rudey opened the door and when asked if she called the fire department answered a rude “No” with a tone that implied “You have some nerve knocking on my door this early in the morning even if it is to make sure I am ok.” So she shuts the door and we head up to the second floor where Matt the recluse lives.
As far as I can tell, Matt’s a gamer and spends his day inside, shades drawn controller in hand. Sometimes I can here the sound affects through the floor but for the most part he is silent. He lurks around and rarely speaks even when I run into him in the driveway. So I knock on his door and wait. No answer. I knock again even harder but still no answer. The firemen asked me if the guy in there was elderly as the tension in the air grew. A sense of urgency and concern was growing thick. “He’s probably in his thirties.” I replied as the lock started to turn. Matt pokes his head out from behind the door so no part of his body is visible. Maybe he sleeps naked. Echhhk. The firemen ask if he called 911 and although he said no like both Ms. Rudey and I did, the policeman said he needed to go in and look around. I though wow, he’s not a gamer, he’s a serial killer and he’s got someone in there! But that didn’t seem to be the case. They went in, took a quick look around and came back out after finding nothing. They made some calls back to the dispatcher and checked to make sure the house they were looking for was number seventeen and it was. The tension was still high as quickly they and jumped in their respective trucks. They took off with sirens blaring and lights flashing.
Now I was really late. I finished ironing, got dressed and headed to work. As I headed down the street, I noticed the fire truck, ambulance and police car down the way a bit. Ah they were looking for seventy not seventeen. As I approached there was a concerned woman on the sidewalk as they were running a stretcher up the stairs to the house. What a way to start the day. I learned a good lesson from this. Iron your clothes for work the night before so you don’t have to answer the door in your robe. Oh and if you have to call for help make sure you annunciate.