Anonymity

I would hate to be famous.  Not that I wouldn’t like to achieve some level of greatness because I would, I would just like to do it in some invisible way.  This might seem odd coming from someone who publicly writes and posts her thoughts and stands on stage joking and divulging personal information about my life and beliefs but those things still seem very private, very controlled.  Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing to hide.  I just have little if anything interesting to share.   If you are reading this right now you are probably figuring that out, but I digress.  Back to why I don’t want to be famous, although perhaps “publicly recognizable” is a more accurate descriptor.

Like everyone else, more often than not I am surrounded by people.  I sit in a cube all day with people coming and going, my phone ringing constantly and emails flying non stop.  I spend most nights of the week out in comedy clubs, bars or at some show or another.  On my days and nights off I try to see my family, friends and boyfriend which leaves little time alone.  I love what I do and the people around me but I also love to be alone.  I like the quiet and stillness of being alone where I can do my own thing, make my own way.  I don’t necessarily like doing this sitting alone in my house although I do enjoy that time as well, but rather I do it by wandering through the world unknown and invisible to most.  I like seeing the world work and being a part of it, I just like doing it anonymously.  I like wandering through the farmers market alone or grocery shopping or riding my bike on the bike path watching others pass by.  Unfortunately, most days the only time I have to myself though is in the morning and I try to make that quiet time to myself last for as long as I can.  On my way I stop at Starbucks, wait quietly in line and although I am cordial and polite, I try to keep to myself.  I greet the barista but avoid small talk.  I just want to savor the stillness for as long as I can.  I like to get my coffee and make my way to work silently until the days begins and I am inevitably surround by the hustle and bustle and blustery business and life.  Those twenty minutes are the only moments I have where I am unknown, unbadgered and still.  I relish that time.

I got a gold Starbucks card in mail last week which tells you that I drink way too much coffee.  It’s a nice perk.  When I use the card, which is essentially a preloaded coffee credit card, I get free refills, free flavor shots and a free drink on my birthday.  Yipee.  The card they send you to use has your name on it.  Yesterday I handed the barista the card, she read it and said “Julie!  That’s great!  I’ve always wondered what your name is and now the mystery is solved.”  She went on to tell me her name, how long she’s worked there and asked me 15 mindless questions that she doesn’t really need answers to.  The silence was broken.  I figured that was just a one time thing, a friendly gesture.  I thought the silence would be restored.  Today I was greeted by this friendly woman before I even made my way to the counter.  She was cheery and bright and equally as inquisitive today asking about my necklace, how work my morning was going and what I thought about the weather.  Now I need to find a new Starbucks so I can restore my morning silence.  So, I would not like to be recognizable or famous because I wouldn’t never be able to find that silence that I so love.

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